Our Family

Our Family

Friday, February 25, 2011

Superwoman can't always fly....

I am a strong woman. That's one of the things I am most proud of. Being strong. Being the go to person. Having others lean on me when they need strength. I have worked very hard to be this way. I have over come a lot. Certain things I have lived through makes helping others easier for me. I can honestly say I have been there in most situations.

With that being said it is very difficult for me to lean on others or ask for help. I have these amazing friends. I could ask anyone of them for the shirt off their back and without thinking they would. And yet they have their own lives, their own families, and their own hassles. So by asking them how would it be fair to burden them more? Don't they have enough to do? How selfish would it be to burden them with your silly needs? These are the things that go through my head. Mostly because it was how I was raised. I know it's silly. I'm not super woman ( conveniently pointed out to me today ) but I was raised to think I am. I can do anything I set my mind to it. So suck it up solider and just do it. Heard those words too many times. So in general I usually do. The problem is the people who really know me see through my typical " I'm fine" or " everything is fine " and the occasional " I'll be ok ". As silly as it sounds I push away people who try to help for fear of looking weak.

It wasn't until today, that I realized just how silly what I have always done really sounded. It wasn't until the very person who I inherited my strength from told me how silly I was being. The one who's shoes I have been trying 30+ years to fill, actually gave me permission to not be super woman. My mom who is my inspiration, my strength, and my hero I have always looked up to, said something I never expected to hear from her. She said sometimes hunnie you can't always do it all. Ask for help it's ok. Then as she proceeded to run down everything I was taking on I realized this super woman's Kryptonite is a thing called deployment. That this usually strong woman who can do just about anything under normal circumstances, can't always when her day to day source of strength is half a world away. So no I guess I can't always do it all. As hard as that is for me to admit. I can't. But for the most part I do try. I just don't like inconveniencing others when I am used to do it all alone. I guess I still have a lot to learn. Everyday is something new. I cherish each moment and am thankful I am as blessed as I am. Just call me a work in progress. Today's challenge is learning how to accept help without feeling guilty......

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