What would you do?

If someone asked you to spend endless nights worrying and alone would you do it?

What if they also asked you to endure feeling that pit in your stomach come up in your throat at the thought of bad news?

Would you freeze your behind off for 2 hours because you dont have the courage to drive away?

Would learn a whole language just so you can have a conversation with your spouse?

Could you give up normal daily activities like sleep for a brief amount of electronic communication from your spouse?

Would you up root your family countless times to be close to your heart?

Could you say good bye to the people you have known your whole life, your family you grew up with, to live in who knows where not knowing a single soul?

If you can answer these questions you know what I am talking about.

Now without thinking pretend for a second that none of these questions has to do with the fact that I am a military wife. Take the military out of it and answer them again.

See we really aren't that different you and I. We may live in different worlds. But how different are they really. They are based in love. And love speaks every language. Just because I am a military wife and you aren't doesn't mean everything about our lives is different. So why are we treated that way?

Why are military wives treated like we do something so different?

We do sacrifice. True statement. Who doesn't?
Who doesn't want to live their life with the love of their life? Wouldn't you do anything you could for them?
Yes sometimes we go a little over the top. Sometimes we give a little more. But so do our husbands.
Our husbands serve this country without regret, remorse, or second thought. So yes we serve in the same way. With a few exceptions.
We dont all wear uniforms. But we support each and every one.
We dont all carry weapons. But don't mess with our men because our words are far worse.
We don't all have a job that takes us across the world. But we have a heart that does.

So don't think of us as different. Just think of us. Every once and a while. Just stop and think for a second and maybe even say a little prayer for us.

I love my husband. I love my family. I love my job. I love my life.

Its something I can honestly say after 30 years of life. Nothing else makes me happier than what I do everyday!!

The things that really matter.

There are things in life that are given.

You live, you die, and you pay taxes. ( so wonderfully quoted by my husband )

There are things in life that are not given.

The instruction manuel. Because why would you REALLY need one? If you knew exactly WHAT to do when would you begin to LIVE?

Then there are things in life that matter.

The way the arms of your love feel around your neck.
The way a child's smile can make you feel on your worst day.
The smell of the air after a spring rain.
The way you feel when you do something you were told you couldn't.
Family. Both blood and choosen.
Friends. The ones who are always there.
The way a kiss feels on your lips.
The way the sun feels on your skin.
The way the love of your life's fingers fit perfectly between yours.
The way the ocean can make every care and stress fade away.

Ok so there are so many things that matter.

There are also things that don't matter.

Who is wrong and who is right in an argument.
Who said I love you first. As long as you both mean it.
The stress that you hang on to everyday.
Whether or not the socks get put away as soon as they come out of the dryer.
Whether your grandmother's recipe is better or his.

A lot of thing don't matter. More things do matter. The trick is trying to finding your balance of how to live with the things that dont and the things that do. If you can find that balance you have found a way to live your life happily.

Now I am not going to say I have found the secret to success. But what I have found is the person that helps me figure out the things that are worth the our time. I may not have found the secret to life. I did find the secret to my life. That is what is important.

Take the time to cherish the small things, dont waste your time sweating the wrong things.

Superwoman can't always fly....

I am a strong woman. That's one of the things I am most proud of. Being strong. Being the go to person. Having others lean on me when they need strength. I have worked very hard to be this way. I have over come a lot. Certain things I have lived through makes helping others easier for me. I can honestly say I have been there in most situations.

With that being said it is very difficult for me to lean on others or ask for help. I have these amazing friends. I could ask anyone of them for the shirt off their back and without thinking they would. And yet they have their own lives, their own families, and their own hassles. So by asking them how would it be fair to burden them more? Don't they have enough to do? How selfish would it be to burden them with your silly needs? These are the things that go through my head. Mostly because it was how I was raised. I know it's silly. I'm not super woman ( conveniently pointed out to me today ) but I was raised to think I am. I can do anything I set my mind to it. So suck it up solider and just do it. Heard those words too many times. So in general I usually do. The problem is the people who really know me see through my typical " I'm fine" or " everything is fine " and the occasional " I'll be ok ". As silly as it sounds I push away people who try to help for fear of looking weak.

It wasn't until today, that I realized just how silly what I have always done really sounded. It wasn't until the very person who I inherited my strength from told me how silly I was being. The one who's shoes I have been trying 30+ years to fill, actually gave me permission to not be super woman. My mom who is my inspiration, my strength, and my hero I have always looked up to, said something I never expected to hear from her. She said sometimes hunnie you can't always do it all. Ask for help it's ok. Then as she proceeded to run down everything I was taking on I realized this super woman's Kryptonite is a thing called deployment. That this usually strong woman who can do just about anything under normal circumstances, can't always when her day to day source of strength is half a world away. So no I guess I can't always do it all. As hard as that is for me to admit. I can't. But for the most part I do try. I just don't like inconveniencing others when I am used to do it all alone. I guess I still have a lot to learn. Everyday is something new. I cherish each moment and am thankful I am as blessed as I am. Just call me a work in progress. Today's challenge is learning how to accept help without feeling guilty......

You know your a military wife....

You know your a military wife when......

You carry your cell phone EVERYWHERE. Just in case....

You can have a total meltdown just from a few hours of not getting an email.

You can cry just bu watching your child. Because he looks like him or acts like him.

You have every song that makes you think of him ready to play when you miss him and need a good cry.

You have more choosen family than blood relatives.

Your closest "sisters" arent actually sisters.

Your house has photos, plaques, and flags everywhere because you want EVERYONE to know how proud you are of your spouse and his job.

You order welcome home decorations 4 months early just to make sure they are there in time.

You have a tear in your eye and a warmth in your heart just listening to the Star Spangled Banner.

A hug from a friend can make your day.

Your life revolves around the next stand down period or R&R.

But most importantly you know your a military wife when a sailor/solider stole your heart. Your life became decorated with tears and camo, and nothing in this world could replace the way his arms feel around you after any time spent apart.

The days spent apart are the most againizing. But the joy you feel when seeing his face after countless months is an undescriable feeling that no civilian wife will ever understand completely.

We are the silent ranks and forever we will be sisters. We stand beside each other through the best of times and we support each other through the worst of times. I love my sisters of whom I could not get through these days without. Thanks you ladies more than you know!




There are many lists like this out there. I thought I would put my spin on one.

Things a Military wife MUST HAVE!

1.  A fully functional cell phone with : 3 chargers, a set a earbuds or blue tooth, call waiting, call forwarding, internet capablity, and at least 4 apps that allows facetime like conversations.

2. A best friend or several best friends ( preferably other militay wives ). So that when you cry they understand. They run inteference for you when needed. And they are there to help pick you back up when you fall apart.

3. A book of everything. Including POAs, birth certificates, etc. with 3 copies of each. Yes 3. Trust me.

4. A routine. As silly as this one sounds a routine will save your life. Also your spouse needs to know what your routine is. So they know their part. It helps you and them both.

5. A list of bills with log in information. Especially if you are not the primary bill payer of your household. This is not information you want to try and get 3 weeks into a deployment.

6. A playlist of sappy songs. Go with me on this one. Put together a collection of every song that reminds you of him, he loves, or was played at a special moment in your life together. Reason being is this: You will have melt downs. It is inevitable. So when it does happen at least you have songs that help you get through it. If you listen to things that remind you of him, you cry, you remember the times you share, and you get it out of your system. The songs are like therapy.

7. A blog. Yes it seems silly but mine saves me sometimes.Getting your feelings out helps. And sometimes keeps your spouse up to date even from half a world away.

8. A sense of self. If you dont know who you are you will get lost in the day to day. Sometimes meditating, yoga, or pilates will help with this. But just get to know who you are as a person. It keeps you grounded.

9. An ability to know when to say when.  When to turn off facebook, the news and the computer. Sometimes even your best friends who have the very best intentions catch you off guard. They know you are going through a hard time but even the best of friends have their own lives that doesn't revolve around your break downs. So when you have a break down just turn everything off. Don't get on the internet just divert your mind else where.

10. A support network. People you can call to say I have had enough, get me out of this house and my mind off everything! The people who love you at your worst and your best. This is one of the most important things to have. You are never alone unless you choose to be. Don't spend a deployment alone. Ever. Have people you can talk to and visit with. If you don't listen to anything else on this list, listen to this one. It will be your lifesaver.

These are some of the essentials for a deployment. At least they have been for me. Each person and deployment are different. No one can tell you what will work best for you. The most they can do is give you a good set of guidelines. Listen to what they tell you but do make work what is best for you.

When all the world is sleeping.....

When all the world is sleeping I sit awake.

What kind of person sits up til the wee hours of the night sitting by herself on a couch?

A military wife.

Why?

Because some nights facing an empty bed is harder than listening to music that makes her cry because at least if she is going to cry it might as well be with music that makes her think of him.

Why does someone torture themselves by spending countless nights alone?

A military wife.

Why?

Because she fell in love with a man first and a career second.

Because every second of every day she spends alone while he fights someone elses war, she thinks of the times they spend together.

Why would you put yourself through that kind of pain willingly?

Because he gave me his heart willingly. And its my job to keep it safe. Just as its his job to keep mine safe.
Why would you give up your life and all you want to do?

Because my life is with him. And no matter where he goes I go. We are a team and no one except another military wife would understand.

How can you give up on your dreams?


I never gave up my dreams. I just dream of him more than I do of anything else.

Why on earth would you go days on end with very little sleep and not think twice about it?

Because I live for emails not sleep. For the fleeting time I have between body forced sleep and class and kids to have a few brief moments where I can feel like we are even remotly close to each other. Because If I sleep when he is awake I might miss one extra email.Not because he asks me to. But because I would rather try and stay to see how his day is than worry about how mine would be if I had an extra hour of sleep. Because when I am awake I have things to do. When I sleep I have nothing to do but dream. And my dreams are filled with him, and when I wake and he isn't here that is a much colder reality to face than just staying awake.

Why do I do these crazy, often completely insane things?

Because I am a proud military spouse. I support my sailor. And I miss him. If I didn't do these things I would feel like I am letting him down. I do these things because I said " I Do". This is my vow. It means the same now as it did the day we got married. I promise to love a cherish you. To honor and protect you for all the days of my life. I will always be on the other end of a computer waiting for an email to say Hi! I miss you busy day talk to you soon. Because even 10 words most people would take for granted, a military spouse prays to hear. Because those 10 words means it is going to be a tolerable day because at least you heard from him.And those words means that he is still at the other end of a computer to. Wherever that may be. In whatever circumstances he may be in, he took 5 minutes to bring you into his day.

It's not a life everyone can live. It's not even an easy life for those who choose to live it. It is not like one day I decided hey I think I want to spend lonely nights by myself for months on end, worrying about things happening half a world away, avoiding the news so not to add to me worrying, so I can live a life of half exististance with half my heart missing all for the absolutely fantastic benifits that come with it. ( FYI insert sarcasim with that last remark ) No. I met a man who swept me off my feet, loves me for who I am, and honestly takes the best care of me, my kids, and my heart as anyone else in this world. And for him I would endure anything. He is the best part of me. And for that he is My Sailor, My Husband, My Hero. Always and forever.

There comes a point in your life where you stop and realize that where you have been has shaped your future. I am not always proud nor do I often enjoy talking about my past. However it has gotten me where I am today. The past doesn't shape the future it mearly gives it a starting to point. We all hold the shape of future in the palms of our hands. It is what we choose to do with it that gives it it's shape.

Sometimes our most memorable moments come when we least expect it. Those moments are the ones that have the power to take our breath away. It's these moments I have been thinking about lately.

There was a night in May several years ago that a friend I worked with and I decided to go out to eat. We got ready, went to eat at BWW and had a great time. While we were there I said to her " Since we got all dolled up why don't we head to the Cowboy and hang out there for a little while." Well we did. On that night, I met the absolute love of my life. He came to sit with me and my friend. He told me he was taking me home with him and to work the next morning. Which to some people would probably sound completely crazy. But to me it was the sexiest thing I had ever heard. I loved at that very moment how confident he was.

This one particular moment in my life has forever changed the way I look at things. I had never in my life met a man who had a confidence about him you could feel just by standing next to him. Nor had I ever met anyone who could make me feel complete just by holding my hand. I have come to find out a lot about myself by being with this incredibly amazing man. I have learned I am stronger than I ever imagined. Not because I have to be but because I want to be. I have learned I can love someone completely and not worry about what could go wrong. I have in the past always held back my love, waiting for the ball to drop, something to go wrong. In my past that has usually been the case. Something good followed by something bad. I have learned that no matter what I have someone that loves me for who I am, not for who I try to be when I am with them. I can actually be myself for a change. I have learned I actually like who I am. That who I am is a person that can face challenges, sometimes several at once, and adapt as needed and carry on without falling apart.

My husband gives me the confidence to be who I am.

The moral of this story is sometimes we tend to be stuck on the past. Too many times we let the past define who we are. We all have our "skeletons", we all have hard times we had to over come. Its what we have done with these things that define who we are , not the acts themselves. We should take the past events and use them to our benefit. Yes events happen, sometimes events happen that change our lives forever. There is nothing that can be done about them now. The only thing there is left to do is pick up the pieces and carry on. While this is easier said than done. What I can honestly say is things happen for a reason, while we not understand why they happen they shape us into the people we are. Sometimes death and sorrow come to us, so we may help others through it. Sometimes abuse comes so we can recognize the signs and also help someone else get out of a bad situation. Pain must be experienced so that you know what its like to feel complete joy. Heartbreak comes so when you find love you know and you know what you have to do to keep it. You must loose everything so that you can fully appreciate the things you have.I am not perfect. I have not had a perfect life. But my not perfect life has made me a better person. I enjoy life for the first time since I had no real responsibilities. I have love like I have never known. I can honestly say that there are people in my life that I trust. And trust has never come easy for me.

This life takes you on a roller coaster ride sometimes. But as long as you have a hang on and roll with it kind of attitude, you will make the best of it. Life is crazy, unpredictable and a non stop journey. We are just along for the ride. Make the best of what is handed to you each day and it will come back ten fold. We cant change the way things happen in our life, what we can change is how we look at ourselves once we have gotten through them.

Love

Love..... such a sweet word.

How many times have you thought about the love of your life? Well I think about mine every second. Especially now. It is hard to imagine some days how much I love my husband. I never reallu understood what love meant until I met him. I never knew a completely selfless love until we got together. The time he takes for me, to make my day just a little brighter even though he has more important things to do makes me feel so very special. The love of my life is an amazing man. He is thoughtful, caring, sweet, strong, sexy, wonderful man. There are so many discriptive words I could use to describe him. He is everything to me and far to often I take the time we spend together for granted. During this crazy, awful time we are spending apart ( gratis USN : ( not a fan by the way ) I have learned that each and every second we spend together is precious. The time doesnt even have to be spent DOING anything. Just being in his presence makes me happy. That is one thing I miss the most. Just being near him, under the same roof, even the same state is awesome. The thing deployment is teaching me the most is how much I truely love my husband. Of course it is teaching me a few other lessons like I really can do this, I can depend on myself and some amazing friends, and that there is more to me than I even knew. It amazes me sometimes the things I am capable of when forced to. I guess we all get surprised by that sometimes. I knew I could do somethings but now I can do anything I set my mind to. It is a very liberating feeling. Knowing that you can do anything you set your mind to can give you the courage to carry on until you dont have to do it by yourself again. I enjoy being independant, however I chose to be half of a team. The other half of my team is also the other half of my heart. That half that lifts me up and tells me I am beautiful even when I feel horrible. The best half of me. The half that makes sense of things when I cant see past the clouds. The half that makes me laugh even when I feel like the world is crashing down. My sweet man takes the absolute best care of me. I only hope that at some point in our life together I can return half of what he gives to me. The best part of marrying your best friend in my humble opinion is getting to spend the rest of your life with that person. My best friend and husband make my world a whole lot brighter. I dont know that there are ever enough words to thank him for everything he has done for me and does for me everyday but I hope I can show him everyday how much his love means to me. The best time of my life is spending time with him and our beautiful family.

My dear sweet husband,
 Thank you for everything you do for me. You make my world a better place. My life began when we met. You make me the happiest woman in the world every single day. I love that you can do that even when you cant always be here. Side by side or seperated by half the world, I feel close to you everyday. You always live in my heart. You are the best husband a woman could ask for and I am so very lucky you chose me to be your wife. You mean the world to me and I hope that I can show you each day how much your love means to me. You are my husband, my lover, my best friend, and my hero. I make it through each day because of your love. You keep me strong and lift me up.I will spend everyday of the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Thank you for being my husband!