I know I can be rather random at times. I like to think of it as part of my charm. Sometimes though I feel bad about being random. I feel that sometimes I distance people by being that way. The problem is my brain flies in a miliion different directions and sometimes I cant help it. I go from one subject to another and I dont even notice it until I get strange looks. It takes a lot of effort to stay focused. That is why if I dont have a million projects going at once I feel like I am lost. This is also why I have trouble sleeping. It takes a long time for me to shut my brain down. Most nights when I do fall asleep it is from pure exhaustion. I have no choice my brain shuts down on its own. It seems as if somedays last forever because I dont know if my brain ever truly shuts off.
So in my never ending days and completely random moments I sometimes sit and think about things. How my life has been the last few years. How I got to where I am. I have come to some conclusions. I am not perfect. I am very thankful for this fact. I would never be able to live up to those standards. I love my husband with everything I have. I have never met a man who makes me feel so complete. He loves me for who I am. I dont have to be anyone different. He thinks I am sexy even when I feel far from it. I love how when I have a crappy day he can make it go away with just a few words or even just a hug. I love that his smile makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. How perfectly my head fits on his shoulder. How he will let his arm fall asleep so he doesn't wake me to move it. How when he is beside me I can fall asleep without even trying. I love waking up to his kisses and the smell of breakfast on the weekends when he comes home from duty and takes care of everything so I can sleep in. I love that he smacks my butt for no other reason than just because. I love snuggling with him at night and how I can't fall asleep unless he is right next to me. I love the way he doesn't have to say a word but he can look at me and my heart melts. I could talk forever about everything my sweet husband does to make me fall in love with him everyday. Mostly the fact that he loves me is enough for me. I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life showing him how much I love him. I am so very thankful that a chance meeting three years ago has led me to the happiest time in my life.
I also think about all the amazing friends I have in my life. I have often heard that you have best friends through all stages in your life. Well I have had some amazing best friends. I still have some amazing best friends. I have also have heard you can't have a bunch of best friends. I say thats not true. I happen to be blessed with 10 best friends. The types of friends who even though we may be sepreated by distance, it doesn't change the fact that we are best friends. We can be caught up in our own lives for days or weeks at a time and pick right back up like it we had just talked the day before.
I am very lucky. I have amazing kids. That love me and are truly blessings. They are the best children I could ever ask for. I have an absolutely amazing husband. Who has made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I have wonderful friends, who are almost like family. My children have the benfit of having more than the 2 aunts and one uncle they were born with. They have nore than they can count on two hands.
People often say to me " I don't know how you do it." ( live as a military spouse.) I hate that statement. Why wouldn't I do whatever it took to be with the person that had the other half of your heart? Would any person regardless of who they loved not move heaven and earth to be with the one they loved? Do others not put up with extra ordinary circumstances to stay with that person? Why is our lives that strikes immediate pity in someones voice? I don't need pity. I knew what my life would be like when I said " I do". The difference is I choose to love him in spite of the circumstances. I deal with what comes as it comes. You learn to roll with the punches.Yes there are days I want to scream, then cry, then bang my head against a wall, then fall down. But I don't always have that option.Some days I have laugh to keep from crying. Some days I cry to keep from screaming. Some days I love the country he fights for and some days I hate it for sending our service members to god forsaken places that mostly don't want us there. But regardless of what bipolar mood swing I am having I am always proud of what he does. I am proud that my kids see how much he does for us, and his country. I am most proud of the way he has helped make a better person.
So I guess sometimes my randomness can have its benifits. It helps me think of all things in my life that I am thankful for. So I guess even in my randomness I have moments of clarity.