Our Family

Our Family

Thursday, August 30, 2012

The 7 stages of grief during deployments.......

7 Stages of Grief modified for the military family....

This is the first phase.You don't want to accept the reality of it. It is a emotional wall to protect yourself from the next stage. You may stay in this stage a few minutes, a few days, or a few weeks.
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. This phase may or may never actually go away. Depending on the situation. You may slip out of this phase and come right back to in an instant. Be patient with yourself and being willing to lean on others during this time.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him/her back").

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your loved one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. This is when having people around you who have been there helps. Rely on your fellow spouses. Listen to things that may have helped and determine which ones may help you best. It is ok to feel this way, but the goal is to try and not stay in this phase as hard as that sounds.

7 Stages of Grief...
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. The light at the end of the tunnel may have appeared for whatever reason. This is a bright spot try to focus on it.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems. The feelings of I can't do this alone start fading away as if almost never there.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before .However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you have done well making it through your journey. This phase is almost always hit closet to return of your loved one. Take this time to start making plans for their return and how your life will be once they are back. This is also a difficult time. Sometimes almost as hard as them leaving to begin with. Be patient.

7 stages of grief...
This is meant to help those through a deployment. This is in no way the exact same coping strategies to someone who has actually lost a loved one in a permanent manner. It is simply meant to help those going through a deployment that there are actually going through stages of grief as well. Too often we tend to think our feeling our silly when they are in truth similar to the stages of grief.Take time to feel each stage and do not beat yourself up for going through one or more stages more than once. It happens. You can be fine one day and not the next. Don't be so hard on yourself. One day at a time is all anyone asks of you, and so should be all you ask of yourself.

Exerts taken from recover-from-grief.com
These are there strategies. Simply altered mildly to meet the needs of military families.

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