There is this thing. It swallows your soul plunges you in darkness and makes you feel defeated everyday.
This thing has the power of bringing you to your knees in a split second. It can rock your world and send the world crashing down on your shoulders. It will leave you tired, hurting, and every kind of exhausted. You will get up and think everything is ok then feel like the world has stopped all at once. You will have a string of good days followed by a week of bad ones. It is a roller coaster ride that you cant control and cant get off. Just when you think you have gotten up, it knocks you back down.
This terrible, horrible, thing has a name. It strats with a D and ends with -eployment. This creature has a mind of its own and will do with you what it wants.
Now here is the thing about deployment. It sucks and there is no way to change or stop it. There is simply a matter of how you will approach it.
The thing I have come to realize is to cherish things. Things I never gave a lot of thought to before.
I cherish the sound of his voice.
I cherish the way his fingers feel between mine.
I cherish seeing his smile.
I cherish the way his arms feel around me.
I could go on and on about all things I have learned to miss about him...... Because its everything about him.
What I have also learned is that even though I may not get to hear his voice very often, or see his face hardly any, and what communication we do have is in electronic form, but no matter how far away he is he can make me feel like his queen.
I have learned a lot so far in these few months. I always knew I could on my own and handle things day to day. What I didn't know is for the first time in my life I DON'T want to do things by myself. I actually enjoy the time we spend together when he is here. I like the fact that I can depend on him. I actually have someone I CAN depend on. I miss the little things he does. I have also learned that seperation from the man who holds half of your heart causes physically pain.
There is however a bright light at the end of this deep dark tunnel....... it's not a cure but a proven treatment.
The treatment consists of a mix of friends who call and check on you, the ones who bring you donuts and chocolate the day he leaves just to help bring a smile to your face, who listen to you cry because they understand what you are going through, they make you smile and lift you up when you are down on your knees. Never asking for anything in return. These wonderful people who are more than just friends and are more like family I know I can always depend on. The sisters I have chosen. They are there for me even when I can't admit to myself that I need them.
There are days during deployment when its difficult to get up much less attempt to deal with anything. It's even more difficult when you step outside of yourself and see the difficulties in others lives. Although some days it feels like you are the only one going through it there are others. Even if you don't know every circumstance we are all in this together. Branch of service does not matter as deployment has no uniform preference. It affects every service member and their family. Some more then others for various reasons.
What I do know is that no matter how strong of a person you are everyone needs help during deployment. Whether it be as simple as a phone call to say hi and I am here for you or a shoulder to cry on. We who are left at home must support each other, just as we support our loved ones who must leave. They don't want to leave anymore than we want them to go but since we can't change that aspect, we can change how we go about our day to day. We can either bury our head under the covers or come out swinging and every now and then lean on those who understand. Because though we may be leaning on them now. At some point the roles will be reversed and your shoulder may be called upon, your ear to listen, and your presence for support of another sister or brother in need.
I am very thankful for the man who stole my heart for always doing what he can to make my days a little brighter. I am very thankful for the sisters who have stood by my side during this deployment. I am very thankful for my children for being such good children ( for the most part ) and for being patient with mommy.
If it weren't for these amazing people I would not be getting through this time nearly as well. I can only hope that others have the same circle ( or similiar ) as I do. If I could give any advice to anyone who has to face this monster called deployment it would simply be have a circle of friends to help you. It doesn't have to be a large circle by any means. Just a group of people that can help you. And believe me when I say you will need help. Even the most independent person in the world has that moment when reality sets in and you realize that it sucks to be alone and need to have someone to just listen.
I may not be the smartest person in the world. And at my worst I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet. I don't like asking for help and I dont like having to depend on others. BUT when deployment hits you learn to have a new way of thinking. Yes I am still stubborn sometimes, but I can ask for help a little easier now than I would have 2 years ago. The old tale of each day gets a little easier is a lie. Each day just has to be approached as it presents itself. Some days are great some arent. Just taking each day one at a time is the only way to handle it.
I love my sailor and I love my family ( including the extended family ). I love my life and wouldn't have it any other way. HOOYAH!! ; )