Rough Day

Today is proving to be a rough day. I was really proud of myself. Thus far I have been doing well keeping busy. Keeping the kids busy. How was I to know that a neighbors question at the bus stop would take my breath away and bring me to my knees. I have prepared for lots of things. School, the kids reactions, problems that may arise, even holidays. But one innocent question caught me off guard. It wasn't meant with malice. It wasn't meant to make me cry. And yet that's all I can seem to do. Even writing this is hard. I come from such a long line of strong women. Most of whom were either military or married to it or both. So why is this so hard? I know there is an end to deployment. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And yet on this day I feel weak and alone. I do my best to hide my tears from the friends and especially the kids. The last thing they need is to see mommy struggle. This is hard enough on them. All I can do is hope each day gets a little easier. The tears stop flowing at some point. And that I can make it through the day without that stupid D word getting the best of me. I have always considered myself a strong individual. One who has faced strife and overcome it. This one however is a whole new ballgame. One you can't prepare for. One that comes and throws it's own sort of punches and all you can do is duck and roll. I don't consider myself the most religious person in the world but I do know that some days the only thing that helps is repeating over and over .... " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I love my husband. I support him always. I knew what I got into a long time ago. The day I met him I truly felt he was the one. I feel more alive with him. And I honestly think I didn't know what love really was until he loved me. My life with him is the best I could ever imagine and would not change a thing. Our love is why keeps me going through this. Knowing that in a few months he will walk off that ship and back into my arms and it makes it worth it. It's just today is a rough day. And sometimes it takes rough days to appreciate the good ones.